bittersweet

Today I am happy yet with a heavy heart. Is that really possible....yes it is. You see, things change. They change all the time. This change has been almost 8 years in the making and its been an incredibly hard road to endure. But we've endured it. And today, we are happy. Maybe truly for the first time. That demon is gone and that demon will never be seen again. Growth, perseverance, endurance and lots and LOTS of prayer have brought us to where we are today. This day. This day that we are happy. This day that makes the rest all seem like a distant memory.

But the happiness is not without its change as well. Change that is a necessary step for healing and growth beyond our comprehension as we embark on this free road. With this change, hearts are broken, lives are forever different and family is lost.

My prayer for this day is that somewhere in the very near future, lives will be healed and families be brought back together because this is what HE wants. HE will have to do all this and I look forward to following this new path HE has laid before us.

Because YOU are worth it. Becuase YOU heal all wounds and YOU are amazing God.

A terrible web cam picture of my wet hair, katelyn's chocolate face and chris's red crusty "cold" nose. But we ARE happy.

Praise God.

To fill in the gap

Its been FOREVER since I've posted but this should be about what you should expect from me at this point. I love to journal and all that jazz but I just am not too good at the computer journaling...pen an dpaper is my preferred method of journaling. But, instead of trying to write the novel of all that has happened in the last few months, I stole this from my friend Susie on her blog. It just seemed fun!

enjoying: a toffee mocha from Starbucks

watching: Katelyn coloring in her new coloring book

eating: nothing

feeling: at peace

looking forward to: our future

wearing: tank top, jeans, and glasses

needing: my water running so i can take a shower, do the dishes, and go potty

wanting: to have enough money to do the things I want to do for all those that I love

missing: running water

Laughing: at Chris's frustration over a game of SOLITAIRE

working on: editing photos, folding the MOUNDS of laundry I have and planning the first Thanksgiving at my house

cooking: nothing. you need water for just about everything and I have none.

craving: the gym. weird i know....but the gym

grateful: for my Heavenly Father and His enduring faithfulness even when I doubt.

smiling: at my life. the pieces are starting to fall into place and I can't wait for what's next.

Well, I'm off to go find a bathroom. Ha! Don't eve take your toilets for grantid....cause we don't have the use of ours right now and its a chore just to go potty.

Have a great Wednesday and HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIAN!!! Hope your day is fabulous and I can't wait to see you hopefully next week!!

Picture update!

Well, I haven't uploaded any pictures in like FOREVER! So, i think i will now. Bare with me...

Here is my girl on her last day of preschool and at her graduation. I cried. I'm not ashamed to admit it. She is getting so grown up....I just can't believe she starts kindergarten in like 6 weeks.

Next up we have K's first visit to a beach! She had a BLAST!! I didn't get a whole lot of pictures of her doing this, but her favorite thing to do was search for sea shells. And boy did she find them!

The first moment she stepped into the water....I love her expression. :o) What a cutie!

Toes in the sand!!

I love this picture of K and I....its bright but I just love it! :o)

Here are so random shots of us. K got her face painted at Fry's of all places. She was an exotic Cat. Shocked....I think not! She did NOT want to wash this off that night.

THese last ones were taken by the princess herself! She grabbed the camera and went crazy one day. I loved the results!

Well, that's all I got right now...I'm headed to do some pilates!

Fast times at the "S" household

WOW! I am great at this bloggin bit! I can't sleep so I guess updating this blog is as good as anything to do!

I guess you could say that me sharing my random thoughts and ideas and feelings to the masses on the internet (of which 3 of you actually read and care!) has been kinda low on my priority list these days.

What HAS been on my list of things to do???

Here goes...

-School ending for both K and I. 3.0 isn't bad my first semester back after 10 years!
-Week long trip to Houston to visist the FIL and SMIL. Great trip! K saw the beach for the very first time! (Pix to soon follow)
-K and I did VBS one week which started me thinking about a possible change of major and career.
-Which, I did end up doing!
-I have been accepted to and plan on attending UTA in the spring and will graduate with a degree in Interdisciplinary studies going on to teach 4-8th graders! Crazy but true. I will be a teacher! God is good and quite funny at times!
-We had our carpets cleaned and in the process decided to switch K's room, paint all the walls in the house, rearrange our ENTIRE house and weed out junk in the process. It's been almost 2 weeks since we started this project and I'm pretty sure we have quite a ways to go til we are done. But, its been an awesome process and quite freeing. Our room is the best its ever been, K has a room that she LOVEs with a bunk bed and PINK everywhere! We are finally embracing this thing called decorating....and I'm a happy camper!
-Sweet friend J's bachelorette party a couple of weekends ago. (Again-pix to follow) Sooo much fun!
-FIL and SMIL came for a week long visit that ended monday morning. We had a blast and K got to spend the night in their motorhome. She had a BLAST and I got to spend the night hangin with C at work all night. SUPER tired the next day but it was sooo worth it. I love getting to see him on the job and hang out with his buddies.
-This week I am busy preparing for Long time BFF's long awaited bridal shower here at my house. She has waited 13 years for this guy to propose and he FINALLY did. So, she deserves this showering!

That's what I have been up to....and it doesn't stop there.

I tell you what...being Matron of honor in 2 weddings and a bridesmaid in a third has been a ride. Back to back to back weddings is CRAZY!! One is time consuming enough...I'm in 3. BFFx2 and my sister. All equally important. I will say this...I have gotten to buy some pretty awesome dresses for all the showers and festivities! Oh and heels to match! I'm beyond excited about that for sure!

I think I am going to attempt this sleep thing again....its 5 am and K will be up soon. Wish me luck!
What's been happenin in your world these days?!!

randomness

i'm tyoing this blogpost because i don't want to do my chemistry homework. I just DON'T! I have very much enjoyed my time away from school work. Although I do enjoy school, its nice to not have to study. But alas, tuesday doth approach and I fear I must get back to reality. My GPA is depending on me!

And so, instead of reading my chapter 7 about solutes and and solutions, electrolytes and the like, I sit and watch the Hallmark channel while surfing facebook and writing this blog. I'll get to it eventually but for now, I am still enjoying my spring break. ....did i just admit to watching Hallmark? Ahh well...it is what it is!

A lot has happened since last updated on here.

Katelyn turned 5. Yes its true....children DO get older and they DO grow up and she WILL one day leave. Depression has truly set in in that regard. It just makes me a bit sad. For sooo many reasons actually. I have gotten used to having my little hang out buddy with me 24/7. Grantid she is in school 3 days a week this year but still...she's with me ALL THE TIME! At times I could use a break but for the most part, I kind alike havin this little person to talk to all the time, to play with, to be silly with and to have with me. She is fun, energentic, loving, silly, caring, beautiful and just a downright cool kid. I'm gonna miss her soooooo much come August 23rd.

Enough of that.....I don't want to cry.

I turned 31. Yup...no big deal. 30 was awesome. I was soooo excited to turn 30 and leave all that crap behind me. 31....ehhh. No biggie. Just another day actually. HOWEVER!! We did celebrate our 7th anniversary on that day as well! Hard to believe but its true. We have endured a LOT during our 7 years. A LOT. I am not complaining by any means...rejoicing actually. Those trials and tribulations have gotten us to where we are today and I am so thankful for them. I continue to see the grace of God in all that we do and go through together and I can't help but be excited for what He is doing today. It will be a rocky road still but once things mellow out and we both see the amazing work of God in in all, it will be wonderful. God is faithful and all I can do is continue to pray that He will be the guiding force for our marriage. 7 years is simply a drop in the bucket for the life we will share together. Makes me happy to think about!

Well, I think I have wasted enough time on here....I think I will start doing my chem homework. Whaddya think??!!

Thanks for stoppin by!

Manic Mondays

-My best friends sip-n-see went well yesterday. I struggle with wanting to do it ALL and have soooo much to give, but we just couldn't do that this time. Having a budget allows for not much wiggle room.

-I dropped my govt class. It was significantly kicking my butt and making me feel like I was retarded all the while. So...in light of me finding out I do NOT need this class for a nursing degree and that it will NOT affect my scholarship, I dropped that class as fast as you can say FREEDOM!

-The laundry in my house is at an all time high. Seriously...I can't remember the last time its been this bad. Spring break will be my catch up WEEK for all that stuff. Being in school AND a stay at home mom is hard. I don't know how moms who work AND go to school do it. I'd just about need to be on speed to get anything done!

-Prayer works right...?

-Katelyn turns 5 on saturday. 5. I'm kinda in shock about it all to be quite honest. I can't believe that come September she will be enrolled in kindergarten and I won't see her during the day anymore.

-Being a police officer's wife still has its adjustments....and some days, I long for 9-5.

-I think I am addicted to Dr. Pepper. And I'm not ashamed.

-I will turn 31 in a week...and on that very day we will celebrate our 7 year anniversary. 7...never thought it possible! ha! What's this about a 7 year itch?? I've heard it before and want more info...

and now for an oldie...K and her friend J on the hammock! My little girl is not so little any more...

---Off to do the thousands of loads of laundry WHILE fitting in some study time....back to reality.

Thanks for stoppin by!

my-ness

my life seems to be a giant series of breaks these days. where katelyn just seems to want "snacks" all the time, i need "breaks" all the time. just don't seem to be getting them.

my life seems to be increasingly choatic these days and i can't seem to get a break from all the busyness.

my house is getting lost in piles and piles of laundry that can't seem to make it either into the washer/dryer or into the appropriate spot of residence.

my homework is kickin this 30 year old booty as well. i know it will get easier but juggling this mom-hood with a husband's crazy schedule and all the studying i have been doing...i've just not quite adjusted yet.

my stress level is at an all time high...my acne is proof.

my husband's familial issues seem to be compounding every day...there is a bit of a reprieve in certain areas but 2 out of 3 are still at odds. I'm just not sure how to help, if i even can any more.

my husband and i are about to celebrate our 7th anniversary in early march. where some are worried about the "seven year itch", i am hopeful for a new beginning with us. lucky seven as it were. it's been rocky to say the least and i am prayerful for restoration and a new found renewal of our once ever so powerful burning-yearning love. i desperately need that passion back. it has been long since squelched by multiple loss, job change galore, too many moves in 6 years, family issues upon family issues, money problems brought on by not only ourselves but most of the above mentioned things and an overall laissez faire attitude towards "us". we need to start making more of an effort for quality time with each other. outside of all the stress and drama we encounter each day. we need to go on a honeymoon for the first time EVER. we tend to think about and act for others before we take care of one other and that needs to change. don't get me wrong, he is so much the love of my life, my soul mate, my other half. i am not myself without him and i can't imagine my life without him. he is an amazing father and a wonderful provider. i am so in love with him its crazy. just somewhere in all the mess of what has been our life, we lost "us" and how to be just that.

my daughter is trying my every bit of patience......i guess this stressed out thing is quite a cause as well. i'm just not the best at handling the constant arguing nature she exhibits, the whiney behavior when she doesn't get her way and her constant need to talk my ear off. yet she'll still melt my heart with her sweetness. ahh the ups and downs of motherhood with one ever so simliar to myself.

my emotions are all kinds of out of wack. i am angry one minute, crying at a COMMERCIAL the next and sitting emotionless 2 seconds later. it's quite QUITE annoying.

with all the "my's", i found some peace this evening. it came out of nowhere and came as a surge of hope. the result....
....asimplelittlebox.
a box to place all my stressors and worries of the day in. a box that symbolizes the alter of my heavenly Father. oh how i long to be able to simply lay it all there for Him to take and heal for me. for Him to carry for me. maybe i don't quite know how to do all that or even at times feel like i deserve that from Him.

but this box will hold all my worries and i won't look back. every day i will write them down, file them away, and go about my day. this seems to be the only way i will survive this mess of stress we've got goin on around here.

thank You Lord for the small grace you have shown. for turning the "my" into YOU! for the small amount of peace You have given me during this time.

i am so undeserving of it....