Where's the CHRIST in Christmas?

I'm gonna be pretty honest here. It's not every day that I am honest....wait. just kidding! But seriously...this has been weighing on me lately and I don't know what to do about it.

Since last year, I have been wondering something. Where has the Christ in CHRISTmas gone? I mean as the saying goes, "Jesus is the reason for the season" but honestly, I don't see that attitude out there in the world. I see the "gimme gimme gimme" attitudes of people and the "look how much I can afford (or not afford for most) for christmas this year." Then there's Santa. Albeit a fun holiday tradition that either elicits sheer terror as captured by many a camera or allows children to think there are little flying deer flying around dropping a 250 pound man down chimneys. I am ALL for imagination. I LOVE creating fun worlds with K and exploring those worlds with her. Yet, somehow, I find it rather hard to play into this character while the "reason for the season" has nothing whatsoever to do with a man in a red suit carrying presents for us all to open and discard so easily.

I know I may sound like a scrooge but for some reason this year has been different. I go out into public, and everywhere I go, I get rude people angrily driving around like their house is on fire and they have to get there like two minutes ago. When walking around stores I find rude employees who won't even look you in the eye and even more hurried, stressed, non friendly eyed people hastily shopping for that "perfect" gift. Since when did Jesus need a Nintendo DS? I mean really? Aren't we supposed to be celebrating HIS birth and what that means?

HE has already given me the absolute most amazing gift I could ever ask for. The giving of massive amounts of gifts on what may or may not truly be His birthday just seems so trivial to me these days. This season should be one of happiness, joy, and humble celebration for the amazing person that we get to love and worship on a daily basis. I think the question we should be asking is, what gift does HE want? What does Christ want from us because quite frankly, there is nothing I can ever do to repay His amazing gift of life and going into debt buying things for other people isn't a step in the right direction.

I'm just not sure spending hundreds of dollars on mindless gifts and feeling guilty for spending too much is a proper way for us to be celebrating His birthday. And honestly, I'm not sure what we ARE supposed to be doing.

But, that's just my little opinion.

blog funk

I have opened my blogger several times this past week and just stared at it. I don't really have much to say and what i have to say most likely can't be written on here.....these intranets have eyes! hahaha! sorry.

what's been going on?? well, ive been busy trying to drum up some photo business all the while keeping my house clean for showings, studying for finals next week, homeschooling katelyn, shopping for christmas, getting a workout in, and packing for our january move. I think I need to start taking speed so I don't need sleep. that way i can get loads done! haha!
I'm just boring and blah today.

contemplative

I'm currently composing a tell all about a friendship that went south this past september. it sucks when any relationship ends. this one in particular bothers me a lot. i was accused of a lot and chose not to confront her because in doing so, i would have had to stoop to her level. i chose not to.

it just makes me think.

as I continue to clean out my house, i think sometimes God does the same with our lives. He takes the clutter out as well as those that bring the clutter. I'm thankful for that removal.

yet, why do i keep thinking about it? on a daily basis I think about this situation. the way things ended, the way she accused me of things that she wouldn't go into detail on (all via email), the way she treated me (the matron of honor in her wedding) during the wedding, the way she noticed my different behavior over the last few years but never bothered to ask me about it. had she bothered, she would have known that my marriage was crumbling, i was devastated at the loss of 4 pregnancies, and all the other details that she never really cared to ask about.

i guess that's what bothers me the most. the fact that had we really even been that good of friends, she would have asked me if everything was ok instead of judging me for my irregular behavior.

let this be a lesson to me. if something seems different, there's usually a reason.

and, those that love you and truly know you, will be there through thick and thin. not notice things then secretly ridicule you for those things that they have no clue as to the reason for their existence.

I'm more than thankful for my faithful God given friends. Those are the ones that have lasted through the cleanout.

I'm off to bed....govt test tomorrow and lots of cleaning around here afterwards. our realtor comes on wednesday to take some photos.

thanks for stoppin by!

okay okay...more mindless blogs...just cause

Four jobs I have had in my life:

Babysitter/nanny
Medical records tech
Victoria's secret sales associate
MOM

Four movies I would watch over and over:

Pride & Prejudice
13 Going on 30
Princess Bride
Dumb and Dumber

Four places I have lived:

Arlington Texas
San Antonio Texas
Great Falls Montana
Mansfield Texas

Four TV Shows that I watch: (Currently)

Private Practice
Grey's Anatomy
One Tree Hill
How's it Made
Four places I have been:

In 4 states all at once!
Washington DC
Mexico...and not the pretty part
Fargo ND

Four People who e-mail me (regularly)

My mom
Facebook notifications
yahoo homeschooling group notifications
....and ummmm noone else. sad and pathetic

Four of my favorite foods:

bread & butter
bread and butter
baked sweet potatos with lots of butter
pizzza (i'm really a healthy eater....REALLY!!!)

Four places I would rather be right now:

outta this house and in my new place
sitting next to Chris
laying in my bed
out of debt

Four things I am looking forward to in the next year:

Exploring my new town with Katelyn
going on a vacation with just my man...its never happened in our 8 years of marriage.
swimming in our awesome pool at our new apartment complex!!
maybe training with a new friend for a triathelon


Four top books I've read the past year:

I don't remember any of them....
well if you count all the kids books I've read...


Four favorite songs:

Secrets by OneRepublic
Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles
Let the Drummer Kick by Citizen Cope
Regret by Glow


Four things you like about yourself:
(This otta be good cause I'm pretty hard on myself)

I'm loyal (to a fault my mother always says)
A good cook ("The bestest cooker i've ever had!!!"-Katelyn)
ummmmm i have a six pack. :) like for real. :) and i like that.
......that's all i can think of right now.....



OKAY!! I need to get to bed...I'm headed to the gym early in the am cause its the only time I will be able to get a workout in tomorrow. I'm excited just not about the hour....I workout best in the evening. But, I'll be there and will be doing something rather than nothing at home!

Hope all is well in your world! Thanks for stoppin by!

just cause....

I'm sittin here wasting time....got my best friend's baby asleep in the other room, my girl is helpin her daddy clean out the closet and well, i just wanted to sit for a few minutes...so, viola! enjoy my randomness.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? nope
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? tuesday....everything was weighin me down.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? depends on the pen i am using. but overall, yes.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? turkey or turkey pastrami
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 1 amazing daughter....who often feels like more than one kid!
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? on my non pmsing days....sure!
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? I don't even know the meaning of the word.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yup
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? depends....on how brave i was feeling at the time. i. hate. heights.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? being gluten free....honey nut chex
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? not unless i can't get them off without it.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? getting there physically and emotionally i'm a battle hardened soldier....so yes emotionally. ha
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? blue bell pistachio almond!! my dad and i could share a whole half gallon!
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? whether or not they smile and make eye contact.
15. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my acne...at almost 32 you'd think it wouldn't still be around. alas....its worse than when i was in junior high. also, i don't like how easily i get annoyed with certain things. my goal is to let things be like water off a ducks back.
16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? right now, my brother and his family. in a couple of months....everyone.
17. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? my fav pair of jeans that are tissue thin and my new nike grey/pink awesomeness
18. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? scrambled eggs with onions and tomoatos...yum!
19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? papers rustling around in the other room. c and k are cleaning out his closet.
20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? aqua. just cause....
21. FAVORITE SMELLS? clean laundry, anything baking, and my hub after he has showered.
22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Our realtor.
23. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? volleybal followed by a close footballl then hockey then track and i like swimming and gymnastics and oh yea...basketball. i enjoy sports. :)
24. HAIR COLOR? ummmmm well, i was dark brown, then got highlights now those highlights are growing out. so, lots of shades.
25. EYE COLOR? light honey colored brown.
26. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yup.
27. FAVORITE FOOD? bread and butter. i could eat it all day long. too bad gluten free bread is nasty and butter is dairy. of which, i can't eat.
28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? im leaning towards happy endings theses days. i hear enough scary crap from being acop's wife that the sappy happy endings that are so not reality are very appealing.
29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Jim Carrey's Grinch movie.
30. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? heather grey...my fav
31. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer because i love to swim and be tan...winter bc i LOVE sleeping when its freezing and i love winter clothes.
32. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs....big warm cozy squeezes.
33. FAVORITE DESSERT? too many to choose from. i like dessert.
34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Horizon's homeschooling parent guide.
35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don't have one....its a lap top.
36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? how its made.
37. FAVORITE SOUND? baby laughter, music that moves me, and the door opening in the morning telling me that my love is home safe and sound.
38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? ..........
39. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Helena Montana
40. HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Predicting the future...seriously....its creepy.
41. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Dallas Texas...raised in Arlington.


Feel free to copy it and post on your blog! I'd love reading them.

thanks for stoppin by!

cleaning out

two days ago we started cleaning out our house. sorting through all the cabinets in the kitchen, the junk drawers in the entertainment center and well, that's about as far as we've gotten. but BOY have we gotten rid of a ton of junk! I'm finding this cleanse very therapeutic. like i said in an earlier post, things around here are changing. almost 8 years of collecting things that don't matter and holding on to things that at the time gave us comfort. well, these things are no longer needed. right now, all we need is a fresh start. a start that allows us to be as free and clear as we need to be with reminders of yesteryears gone.

therapy.

yes. its been like therapy for me. cleaning out the few drawers and cabinets that i have so far has spurred many memories that i had not thought about in years....it has made me throw stuff away that had i not gotten to the place in my life that these last almost 8 years have gotten me to, i would have still shoved that thing back into that drawer only to continue to clutter things. clutter......that's how i have felt about my life. i loathe clutter. i loathe disorganization. its breeds choas and confusion and that has no place in my life right now. i want to organize and minimize. i'm afraid that during all this organizationfest, the container store will love me so much they keep the store open once a week just for me. :-) but that's comforting to me right now. i'm excited about cleaning out things because in the process, i feel like i'm cleaning out my life and that's a great feeling.

and because of this, i made a huge decision today. i took my pregnancy bible (yes its called that), my baby name book, and my what to expect during the first year book and put it in the garage sale pile. along with, all my maternity clothes. i didn't cry. i didn't really dwell. just decided that you know what, its time to move on. After years of not using birth control and spending way too much money and tears on negative pregnancy tests, i HAVE decided to move on. i've decided that its time to quit holding on to the past life that i've tried so hard to hold on to. honestly, it was a life i longed for that never came to fruition. nonetheless, as long as i hold on to that life, God can't move me into THIS life. the life He's been pruning me, us for. THIS life is just beginning and the past is just that....past.

so no tears. no sorrow.

just, happy. 


now on to more cleaning out....thanks for stoppin by!