my-ness

my life seems to be a giant series of breaks these days. where katelyn just seems to want "snacks" all the time, i need "breaks" all the time. just don't seem to be getting them.

my life seems to be increasingly choatic these days and i can't seem to get a break from all the busyness.

my house is getting lost in piles and piles of laundry that can't seem to make it either into the washer/dryer or into the appropriate spot of residence.

my homework is kickin this 30 year old booty as well. i know it will get easier but juggling this mom-hood with a husband's crazy schedule and all the studying i have been doing...i've just not quite adjusted yet.

my stress level is at an all time high...my acne is proof.

my husband's familial issues seem to be compounding every day...there is a bit of a reprieve in certain areas but 2 out of 3 are still at odds. I'm just not sure how to help, if i even can any more.

my husband and i are about to celebrate our 7th anniversary in early march. where some are worried about the "seven year itch", i am hopeful for a new beginning with us. lucky seven as it were. it's been rocky to say the least and i am prayerful for restoration and a new found renewal of our once ever so powerful burning-yearning love. i desperately need that passion back. it has been long since squelched by multiple loss, job change galore, too many moves in 6 years, family issues upon family issues, money problems brought on by not only ourselves but most of the above mentioned things and an overall laissez faire attitude towards "us". we need to start making more of an effort for quality time with each other. outside of all the stress and drama we encounter each day. we need to go on a honeymoon for the first time EVER. we tend to think about and act for others before we take care of one other and that needs to change. don't get me wrong, he is so much the love of my life, my soul mate, my other half. i am not myself without him and i can't imagine my life without him. he is an amazing father and a wonderful provider. i am so in love with him its crazy. just somewhere in all the mess of what has been our life, we lost "us" and how to be just that.

my daughter is trying my every bit of patience......i guess this stressed out thing is quite a cause as well. i'm just not the best at handling the constant arguing nature she exhibits, the whiney behavior when she doesn't get her way and her constant need to talk my ear off. yet she'll still melt my heart with her sweetness. ahh the ups and downs of motherhood with one ever so simliar to myself.

my emotions are all kinds of out of wack. i am angry one minute, crying at a COMMERCIAL the next and sitting emotionless 2 seconds later. it's quite QUITE annoying.

with all the "my's", i found some peace this evening. it came out of nowhere and came as a surge of hope. the result....
....asimplelittlebox.
a box to place all my stressors and worries of the day in. a box that symbolizes the alter of my heavenly Father. oh how i long to be able to simply lay it all there for Him to take and heal for me. for Him to carry for me. maybe i don't quite know how to do all that or even at times feel like i deserve that from Him.

but this box will hold all my worries and i won't look back. every day i will write them down, file them away, and go about my day. this seems to be the only way i will survive this mess of stress we've got goin on around here.

thank You Lord for the small grace you have shown. for turning the "my" into YOU! for the small amount of peace You have given me during this time.

i am so undeserving of it....