March of Tides

This time of year is the beginning of our busiest time. I absolutely LOVE this time of year but it always comes with a price. Birthdays upon birthdays upon birthdays within days of each other.

My sweet K turns 9 this year. Where the heck has time gone?!! She's growing into such a sweet young girl. And it needs to stop! Oh I am only kidding. I want her to grow up and experience life and just become the best K she can be. I'm so very proud of the girl that she is and continues to become. I hope she understands that one day.

The stressful part of all this....family. Everyone wants a piece of K and they all want to come and celebrate. No problem right? Well, the problem with our particular situation is that 2 days prior and 2 days after HER birthday are two birthdays that certain family members really could care less about. It is my responsibility to account for those birthdays in my planning. Being a planner, I start a month in advance. I try to be diplomatic and include everyone but I those oh so many other factors I am dealing with in our planning process are just that...important parts of our month/celebration. It's not as cut and dry and I would like and where I do love this time of year, dealing with and attending to possible hurt feelings and politic mumbo jumbo is starting to make me want to go away every year about this time and be gone for 5 days. That would be enough time. Presents can be mailed, facetime is oh so awesome so we can utilize that little piece of amazing technology, but...stay away and let us enjoy our birthday celebrations stress free. Selfish as it may seem...and I do get that it does seem that, it is the way my husband chooses to be in regard to the entire situation and (like I stated earlier with the 'non cut and dry aspect') I will respect him above any other human.

My goal right now is to deal with the planning, communicate our wishes and do my best to accommodate all parties but, to let the frustration and anxiety go. This is a wonderful time of year where we get to celebrate the miracle that is our daughter. I don't want anything interfering with that at all!

And to that end I bid you farewell. Well...you being the blank web space I occupy. No one reads this anyways!

Today.

I had my first exam this semester, today. I felt fairly prepared for it but with my luck, I barely passed. ONE day I'll look back and think..."Boy, that was all worth it." I sure am looking forward to that moment in time. Going back to school at my age for my UNDERGRAD has been challenging for so many different reasons. I know I'm not the oldest in my classes, but I sure feel like it most days. My motivation and drive to get all this completed is slowly gaining momentum and it's an addiciting feeling. It's nice to feel that sense of drive....I've not experienced much of that in my life. I was simply living a life of existence up until a few years ago. Now, after lots and lots of prayer and waiting and soul searching and gut wrenching revelations, I am finally hearing that answer to my question of, 'what will you  have me do in this world?', and it's rather peaceful. The ins and outs of this are not yet carved out...but the path is faint and it's lit up just for me.

Several years ago I was given a vision. Believe it or not....I feel that this vision is one sent directly from my Abba father. I had been on the floor begging and pleading (in an overwhelmingly raw and broken set of moments in a tumultuous) to see some sort of positive, some sort of reason as to why all this heartache we had been enduring on all levels of our lives was going on and continued time and time again. Knowing as I prayed and wept that I was not about to receive any real answers, I got a vision. Funny how our Father in Heaven works. When we least expect it He delivers beyond our eilsest imagination! Lesson learned and learned and learned again...my head is thick and He sure knows it. This vision came and went faster than a flash but it remains to this day. THAT vision is what has kept me going throughout these last 3 years. HIS vision is what I continually come back to time and time again as I ponder my life and what OUR purpose is here on earth not just my personal purpose. This greater purpose is not MY purpose. It is HIS. And I look forward to that light on OUR path getting brighter and brighter as that vision He planted in my head and heart comes to its glorious fruition.

Be still and KNOW that I am God.

And so, I shall. I shall wait on His timing for His is and always will be, best.

Speechless

I am a wonderful blogger. Absolutely GREAT! My once a year posts I am sure are beyond inspiring. I can just imagine the wait and anticipation for my ever ready audience to hear my next words....a YEAR later. Holy hell that's ridiculous!

Moving on...

Let's sum up 2013 in a paragraph shall we?

K finished 2nd grade and started 3rd. She succeeded in passing and has succeeded in advancing her educational career some more in the third grade. I too have advanced my education...by getting put on financial aid warning! Good times in "D" land over here. D stand for Determined to not live that semester again. C and I got engaged over the summer and married on 11-12-13! Hey, second time around...who needs the show and who has the MONEY for that kind of shindig?! Not us that's for sure. C is still lovin his job. Has a great crew and even better Sargent. He's been a happy camper about all that so that makes this LEO wife a happy camper too. I have been attempting to run more and more but my blasted IT band likes to make it difficult. Hate you IT band. Maybe one day I can overcome the pain and just run that blasted half marathon before my body totally gives out on me. Hey...I did get up to my all time farthest distance of 8 miles in 2013. I was proud. I guess.....that about sums up the highlights.

I think that writing will indeed help me become a better writer....well DUH! SO, I am going to make a concerted effort (and for me, if I make it TWICE a year that's an improvement! hahaha!) to write out my thoughts here. I write as if people are reading but who am I kidding? No one reads this blog anyways. 

Now, I am on to studying for Research Design and Analysis and Social Psychology. Both classes have tests next week and I HAVE to ace them. *Refer back to previous paragraph of FAW*

Til next year people!

2013

What will this new year bring? I am hoping that it will be exponentially better than 2012 and honestly, 2012 was one of the best ones yet. With the close of 2012, I am hopeful that the heartache that has plagued my family is that much farther behind us. I want 13 to be our lucky year. My expectations for this year are ones of hope, healing and renewal. I hope that we can grow more as a family, as a couple and as individuals. I pray for healing for all wounds big or small and the scars to be as faint as the memory is becoming. I have faith in the renewed love for ourselves, each other, and the family we have been placed in. We have a long road ahead of us but I need to remain focused on WHO is in charge of this life I lead. If I continue to do that, we WILL succeed.

With all that....here is a small list of what I want to accomplish because well, I don't believe in resolutions. I believe in simply reevaluating my life and making a plan for my year. Is that the same thing?? Perhaps...ha!!

In 2013 I want to....

• Be better at having my "quiet time" every day.
• Get a 4.0 each semester.
• Run a half marathon.
• Do at least 2 triathlons again.
• Have more play dates with Katelyn.
• Read more books.
• Go on a vacation.
• Be better at sticking to our budget.
• Have friends over on a regular basis.
• Mend broken relationships.
• Get my house organized.

That's about all I can think of right now. What is your plan for this year?

A quick-or not-2011/12 wrap up.

Where to begin....

Its been almost 2 years since I've blogged last. That, is sad. What's even more sad is the fact that I couldn't remember my log in info to GET to this blog. But, with everything that's happened these last 2 years...it's not surprising. In the interest of time, I'll bullet point these last few years and perhaps elaborate on a later date. I WANT to start doing better at blogging or journaling so I'll start with this and see if it sticks.

so...2011

• We moved to be closer to C's job and bought a gorgeous house here in M-town.
• We moved close to an amazing elementary school with a heaven sent kindergarten teacher.
• June 2011-C left. Our hearts broken and a new life begins.
• I lost several friends in the process. Icing on the cake.
• August 2011-I got a full time job for the first time since I got married in 2003.
• K starts school and her teacher is just, well, terrible. And by terrible, I mean the I'm a lazy teacher who sees a kid who needs a little bit of extra help and labels her terrible. Poor kid had no chance her first grade year. 
• Divorce is finalized on November 22, 2011. Never thought I'd see that day. 

Enter 2012

• The new year brought hope of our new life that I was attempting to embrace.
• C started coming around a lot more....yet I still refused to allow him "in".
• I saw in him a changed man....but I still wasn't wanting to admit it. I dug my feet in and told God I didn't want to see all this. I had just gotten comfortable (like that's REALLY true!) with being single and a single mom and this new "life".
• But, much to my chagrin, the Lord had another thing in mind....and I ultimately knew it. 
• In late February, I said yet another prayer and took a leap of faith that allowed C back into our lives in a real way. 
• February 23, we officially started dating again.
• March, I left my full time job to be around for K more because of her struggles emotionally and at school. Best. Decision. Ever. She turned around within weeks of me being around more. When we follow His will, even when it seems like an impossible way, we have an amazing sense of peace.
• I started working part-time at a local retail chain "that shall remain nameless".
• May- a turning point in our relationship. He moved back in with us and that brought out a lot of emotions for me that I needed to deal with...and consequently, did.
• K struggled with trusting her daddy again so that brought a whole other set of issues for all of us. 
• I started training for a triathlon.
• Competed in 2 triathlons!  
• Joined a "marriage" class at our church that was life changing.
• I started back to school in August.
• K started 2nd grade and got THE BEST TEACHER EVER!!! This is not an understatement. Ms. M has turned K's way of learning around and she now actually ENJOYS to learn. It's been such a blessing to have her in that class.
• "Celebrated" where God has brought us on November 22. A year after our divorce, we were running the Houston Turkey Trot...together. (Well, I ran ahead of him...haha!!) It was our way of starting a new tradition, new memories, healing old wounds and allowing hope in. It was a wonderful day.

And so here we are. Present day. And as I look over these bullet points I see my life written in such a simple way. Yet, there are so many gaps, so many holes, so much pain, heartache, loss and hurt left out. But what I get most out of those points, what inspires me the most, is that I see all that went on, all that hurt, pain etc, and I see nothing but hope. Hope that keeps me going and my belief that all of this serves a greater purpose and will in the end impact others in a profound way continues to grow. I truly get excited for all that lies before us and that promise that God whispered to me in my darkest of days is slowly being groomed to come to pass.

We have come a long way since those days of despair that we used to call our "marriage". C has grown in ways I can't express, I have grown and allowed God to show me things I was too stubborn to see before. K has just blossomed and I could not be more proud of that little girl. She has an amazing heart of gold and is so incredibly selfless. I hope that I can get her to see the beauty that she is and have confidence in that. She is such a gift.

A small snippet into my last 2 years...and maybe, just maybe I will expound on it all a little bit later.

Vague yet directed

I'm the worst blogger.....but trust me I have sat down numerous times to start a post and i come up with....nadda, zip, zero, zilch. Yet, there has been an abundance of things going on in my mind. So much so that I can't shut my mind off at night and so much so that I have lost almost 10 pounds in the last 4 days. Yea...I'm a tiny girl to begin with...those pounds aren't good to loose. I now weigh less than I did before we got married....yikes. Cheeseburgers here I come!

I wish I had a better way with words. I wish I could even put into words the things that have been racing through my mind and heart and soul. Yet maybe, its best I don't. Maybe I should just focus on the outcome of all those thoughts.

At the center of it all is God. His loving warm embrace that never fails to amaze me. The fact that no matter how bleak a situation may feel, when we lay everything at the alter, He takes it and makes it new. So i am going to take this newness and run with it. Slowly of course but with still embracing it with the faith to move that mountain. Taking it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. I am going to wake up every day with a positive outlook and an open mind to hear and see what He wants for my life that day. Its taken me a long time to finally BELIEVE what I have been hearing is the TRUTH. I allow myself to be sucked into the negative of the untruth. But no more. No more lies will be allowed into my life. It will be a daily laying down. A daily "death" if you will and a daily new life that brings me hope. Hope that the day will bring much deserved happiness for me and my family.

A lot of rambling and vague talk, but details aren't important. What's past is past and I am thinking of today and today only. I am thankful for the ongoing journey and where He may take us next. The saying is true, but time does heal all wounds....if we allow Him to be in control of that time.

I hope your days are good and your future is unexpected!

Where's the CHRIST in Christmas?

I'm gonna be pretty honest here. It's not every day that I am honest....wait. just kidding! But seriously...this has been weighing on me lately and I don't know what to do about it.

Since last year, I have been wondering something. Where has the Christ in CHRISTmas gone? I mean as the saying goes, "Jesus is the reason for the season" but honestly, I don't see that attitude out there in the world. I see the "gimme gimme gimme" attitudes of people and the "look how much I can afford (or not afford for most) for christmas this year." Then there's Santa. Albeit a fun holiday tradition that either elicits sheer terror as captured by many a camera or allows children to think there are little flying deer flying around dropping a 250 pound man down chimneys. I am ALL for imagination. I LOVE creating fun worlds with K and exploring those worlds with her. Yet, somehow, I find it rather hard to play into this character while the "reason for the season" has nothing whatsoever to do with a man in a red suit carrying presents for us all to open and discard so easily.

I know I may sound like a scrooge but for some reason this year has been different. I go out into public, and everywhere I go, I get rude people angrily driving around like their house is on fire and they have to get there like two minutes ago. When walking around stores I find rude employees who won't even look you in the eye and even more hurried, stressed, non friendly eyed people hastily shopping for that "perfect" gift. Since when did Jesus need a Nintendo DS? I mean really? Aren't we supposed to be celebrating HIS birth and what that means?

HE has already given me the absolute most amazing gift I could ever ask for. The giving of massive amounts of gifts on what may or may not truly be His birthday just seems so trivial to me these days. This season should be one of happiness, joy, and humble celebration for the amazing person that we get to love and worship on a daily basis. I think the question we should be asking is, what gift does HE want? What does Christ want from us because quite frankly, there is nothing I can ever do to repay His amazing gift of life and going into debt buying things for other people isn't a step in the right direction.

I'm just not sure spending hundreds of dollars on mindless gifts and feeling guilty for spending too much is a proper way for us to be celebrating His birthday. And honestly, I'm not sure what we ARE supposed to be doing.

But, that's just my little opinion.

blog funk

I have opened my blogger several times this past week and just stared at it. I don't really have much to say and what i have to say most likely can't be written on here.....these intranets have eyes! hahaha! sorry.

what's been going on?? well, ive been busy trying to drum up some photo business all the while keeping my house clean for showings, studying for finals next week, homeschooling katelyn, shopping for christmas, getting a workout in, and packing for our january move. I think I need to start taking speed so I don't need sleep. that way i can get loads done! haha!
I'm just boring and blah today.

contemplative

I'm currently composing a tell all about a friendship that went south this past september. it sucks when any relationship ends. this one in particular bothers me a lot. i was accused of a lot and chose not to confront her because in doing so, i would have had to stoop to her level. i chose not to.

it just makes me think.

as I continue to clean out my house, i think sometimes God does the same with our lives. He takes the clutter out as well as those that bring the clutter. I'm thankful for that removal.

yet, why do i keep thinking about it? on a daily basis I think about this situation. the way things ended, the way she accused me of things that she wouldn't go into detail on (all via email), the way she treated me (the matron of honor in her wedding) during the wedding, the way she noticed my different behavior over the last few years but never bothered to ask me about it. had she bothered, she would have known that my marriage was crumbling, i was devastated at the loss of 4 pregnancies, and all the other details that she never really cared to ask about.

i guess that's what bothers me the most. the fact that had we really even been that good of friends, she would have asked me if everything was ok instead of judging me for my irregular behavior.

let this be a lesson to me. if something seems different, there's usually a reason.

and, those that love you and truly know you, will be there through thick and thin. not notice things then secretly ridicule you for those things that they have no clue as to the reason for their existence.

I'm more than thankful for my faithful God given friends. Those are the ones that have lasted through the cleanout.

I'm off to bed....govt test tomorrow and lots of cleaning around here afterwards. our realtor comes on wednesday to take some photos.

thanks for stoppin by!

okay okay...more mindless blogs...just cause

Four jobs I have had in my life:

Babysitter/nanny
Medical records tech
Victoria's secret sales associate
MOM

Four movies I would watch over and over:

Pride & Prejudice
13 Going on 30
Princess Bride
Dumb and Dumber

Four places I have lived:

Arlington Texas
San Antonio Texas
Great Falls Montana
Mansfield Texas

Four TV Shows that I watch: (Currently)

Private Practice
Grey's Anatomy
One Tree Hill
How's it Made
Four places I have been:

In 4 states all at once!
Washington DC
Mexico...and not the pretty part
Fargo ND

Four People who e-mail me (regularly)

My mom
Facebook notifications
yahoo homeschooling group notifications
....and ummmm noone else. sad and pathetic

Four of my favorite foods:

bread & butter
bread and butter
baked sweet potatos with lots of butter
pizzza (i'm really a healthy eater....REALLY!!!)

Four places I would rather be right now:

outta this house and in my new place
sitting next to Chris
laying in my bed
out of debt

Four things I am looking forward to in the next year:

Exploring my new town with Katelyn
going on a vacation with just my man...its never happened in our 8 years of marriage.
swimming in our awesome pool at our new apartment complex!!
maybe training with a new friend for a triathelon


Four top books I've read the past year:

I don't remember any of them....
well if you count all the kids books I've read...


Four favorite songs:

Secrets by OneRepublic
Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles
Let the Drummer Kick by Citizen Cope
Regret by Glow


Four things you like about yourself:
(This otta be good cause I'm pretty hard on myself)

I'm loyal (to a fault my mother always says)
A good cook ("The bestest cooker i've ever had!!!"-Katelyn)
ummmmm i have a six pack. :) like for real. :) and i like that.
......that's all i can think of right now.....



OKAY!! I need to get to bed...I'm headed to the gym early in the am cause its the only time I will be able to get a workout in tomorrow. I'm excited just not about the hour....I workout best in the evening. But, I'll be there and will be doing something rather than nothing at home!

Hope all is well in your world! Thanks for stoppin by!

just cause....

I'm sittin here wasting time....got my best friend's baby asleep in the other room, my girl is helpin her daddy clean out the closet and well, i just wanted to sit for a few minutes...so, viola! enjoy my randomness.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? nope
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? tuesday....everything was weighin me down.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? depends on the pen i am using. but overall, yes.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? turkey or turkey pastrami
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 1 amazing daughter....who often feels like more than one kid!
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? on my non pmsing days....sure!
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? I don't even know the meaning of the word.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yup
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? depends....on how brave i was feeling at the time. i. hate. heights.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? being gluten free....honey nut chex
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? not unless i can't get them off without it.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? getting there physically and emotionally i'm a battle hardened soldier....so yes emotionally. ha
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? blue bell pistachio almond!! my dad and i could share a whole half gallon!
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? whether or not they smile and make eye contact.
15. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my acne...at almost 32 you'd think it wouldn't still be around. alas....its worse than when i was in junior high. also, i don't like how easily i get annoyed with certain things. my goal is to let things be like water off a ducks back.
16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? right now, my brother and his family. in a couple of months....everyone.
17. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? my fav pair of jeans that are tissue thin and my new nike grey/pink awesomeness
18. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? scrambled eggs with onions and tomoatos...yum!
19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? papers rustling around in the other room. c and k are cleaning out his closet.
20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? aqua. just cause....
21. FAVORITE SMELLS? clean laundry, anything baking, and my hub after he has showered.
22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Our realtor.
23. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? volleybal followed by a close footballl then hockey then track and i like swimming and gymnastics and oh yea...basketball. i enjoy sports. :)
24. HAIR COLOR? ummmmm well, i was dark brown, then got highlights now those highlights are growing out. so, lots of shades.
25. EYE COLOR? light honey colored brown.
26. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yup.
27. FAVORITE FOOD? bread and butter. i could eat it all day long. too bad gluten free bread is nasty and butter is dairy. of which, i can't eat.
28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? im leaning towards happy endings theses days. i hear enough scary crap from being acop's wife that the sappy happy endings that are so not reality are very appealing.
29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Jim Carrey's Grinch movie.
30. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? heather grey...my fav
31. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer because i love to swim and be tan...winter bc i LOVE sleeping when its freezing and i love winter clothes.
32. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs....big warm cozy squeezes.
33. FAVORITE DESSERT? too many to choose from. i like dessert.
34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Horizon's homeschooling parent guide.
35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don't have one....its a lap top.
36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? how its made.
37. FAVORITE SOUND? baby laughter, music that moves me, and the door opening in the morning telling me that my love is home safe and sound.
38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? ..........
39. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Helena Montana
40. HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Predicting the future...seriously....its creepy.
41. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Dallas Texas...raised in Arlington.


Feel free to copy it and post on your blog! I'd love reading them.

thanks for stoppin by!

cleaning out

two days ago we started cleaning out our house. sorting through all the cabinets in the kitchen, the junk drawers in the entertainment center and well, that's about as far as we've gotten. but BOY have we gotten rid of a ton of junk! I'm finding this cleanse very therapeutic. like i said in an earlier post, things around here are changing. almost 8 years of collecting things that don't matter and holding on to things that at the time gave us comfort. well, these things are no longer needed. right now, all we need is a fresh start. a start that allows us to be as free and clear as we need to be with reminders of yesteryears gone.

therapy.

yes. its been like therapy for me. cleaning out the few drawers and cabinets that i have so far has spurred many memories that i had not thought about in years....it has made me throw stuff away that had i not gotten to the place in my life that these last almost 8 years have gotten me to, i would have still shoved that thing back into that drawer only to continue to clutter things. clutter......that's how i have felt about my life. i loathe clutter. i loathe disorganization. its breeds choas and confusion and that has no place in my life right now. i want to organize and minimize. i'm afraid that during all this organizationfest, the container store will love me so much they keep the store open once a week just for me. :-) but that's comforting to me right now. i'm excited about cleaning out things because in the process, i feel like i'm cleaning out my life and that's a great feeling.

and because of this, i made a huge decision today. i took my pregnancy bible (yes its called that), my baby name book, and my what to expect during the first year book and put it in the garage sale pile. along with, all my maternity clothes. i didn't cry. i didn't really dwell. just decided that you know what, its time to move on. After years of not using birth control and spending way too much money and tears on negative pregnancy tests, i HAVE decided to move on. i've decided that its time to quit holding on to the past life that i've tried so hard to hold on to. honestly, it was a life i longed for that never came to fruition. nonetheless, as long as i hold on to that life, God can't move me into THIS life. the life He's been pruning me, us for. THIS life is just beginning and the past is just that....past.

so no tears. no sorrow.

just, happy. 


now on to more cleaning out....thanks for stoppin by!

pix

Let's try this again..... here are a few from yesterday. Not too many but still a glimpse of our crazy evening.

His very first turkey carving!!



Our very first Thanksgiving table.



Well, we can't ever be serious...



My nose looks about as big as my head...lovely

My little bros Ben and Dee playin the Kinects!

Little Luke came to the party too.

Sisily and Pops.

More Kinects!

Littlest bro and littlest sis.

HAHAHA!! K warming her toosh.

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was a fantastic day. We have so much to be thankful for these days that it was overflowing yesterday as my family came over for the holiday. It was our first time hosting a large meal and we both think it was a great success. Everyone got enough food, we all had fun, the fire was roaring, and Chris loved having a normal family get together. I was thankful he enjoyed himself so much. It was great seeing him so happy for the first time in a very long time. It was a bittersweet happiness but happy nontheless.

This morning we headed over to one of my best friend's new and beautiful homes for an after thanksgiving brunch. It was yummy!

We did brave the black friday world this afternoon. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but then again I wasn't out at the booty crack of the am hours. And, we only needed to get a watch band for Chris so we weren't weeding through the toys trying to find the leapster somethingorother. :)

Right now I'm hangin on the couch surfing websites about nothing because apparently all this gluten I've been eating is not agreeing with my stomach or intestines. I've got tons of things to and I feel like throwing up....lovely. Good food comes at a price for me. Hip to the hooray.

 Well, I am trying to upload some thanksgiving pics but the uploader isn't letting me. dumb.

hmmmmm

I want to start a fun blog post. in this post i want to do something fun. like susie who is posting a daily shoe challenge. There is also the 10 on Tuesday. There's a photo a day postings. But I want to do someting original.

Coming up with this idea is not as easy as I thought.

I thought, "silly saturday" where i post something fun/silly for viewing pleasure. dumb

Then i thought i'd take a picture, crop it and have people guess what the picture is. But with no prize or no reward for your guesses, who's gonna come back and guess all the time?

So, for now, I am brainstorming and accepting ideas for a fun new creative way to blog that is original.

enjoy your saturday! I am doing laundry and playing spiderman with my 5 year old daughter. yup. she's awesome!

trying

i'm trying to be better at blogging. however i'm not really sure why. I have about 3 people that i know follow this and comment but really, who cares? I've got nothing profound to say and even if i did, i think that i wouldn't be able to say it as eloquently as i may want to. so, for you 3 faithful followers, here's what's on my mind...

....i'm really tired today. i have a problem of forgetting to eat....and when you work out every single day, the day after you workout AND forget to eat, you're kinda tired. So, I'm takin a break from the gym today. tomorrow will be kick booty though!

....i'm really proud of my husband. like so proud i can't stand it. i'm amazed at how much he has endured over his lifetime and still has the attitude and outlook on life and people that he does. he should be a rebellious man who is still sowing his wild oats and cussing everyone out who he meets that doesn't think like him. but, he doesn't. he remains calm, collected and simply amazing every single day. in love!!

....my heart still longs to be pregnant. after 4 losses and no real reason for me to not be pregnant, my body is craving the feeling pregnancy brings. the little feet pushing my ribs, the hiccups that keep you awake, the heartbeat on the monitor and all those quirky pregnancy feelings that a lot of moms complain about. i guess you don't realize what you have when you have it easily. so for now, if you are pregnant, please don't complain to me about all those symptoms. tomorrow maybe. just not today. i'd kill to have those "problems" today.

....katelyn is SOARING through her lessons and soaking up sooooo much information in our little homeschool. even outside of school. i am completely amazed at how fast she is learning all this information! she is sounding out words on her own and spelling them; she is reading sentences, writing addition problems and simply yearning for more. God told us to pull her out of public school and boy he wasn't kidding! He knew she needed the one on one time to gain her confidence and have a little bit of pride her abilities. I'm so proud of her.

....lyme disease will always be a part of my life. And honestly, I am thankful for it. It was a terrible almost three years of pain, depression, anger, marital issues, bad parenting and just feeling like i was a no good person. But through all that, I gained so much knowledge, grew in the Lord, have been able to help others and have a new respect for the human body. as much as i hate that stupid bacteria, I am thankful for the experience that it gave me and all the lessons I learned in the process.

.....and now i'm off to clean my bathroom. exciting. i know. don't be too jealous.

thanks for stopping by!

bittersweet

Today I am happy yet with a heavy heart. Is that really possible....yes it is. You see, things change. They change all the time. This change has been almost 8 years in the making and its been an incredibly hard road to endure. But we've endured it. And today, we are happy. Maybe truly for the first time. That demon is gone and that demon will never be seen again. Growth, perseverance, endurance and lots and LOTS of prayer have brought us to where we are today. This day. This day that we are happy. This day that makes the rest all seem like a distant memory.

But the happiness is not without its change as well. Change that is a necessary step for healing and growth beyond our comprehension as we embark on this free road. With this change, hearts are broken, lives are forever different and family is lost.

My prayer for this day is that somewhere in the very near future, lives will be healed and families be brought back together because this is what HE wants. HE will have to do all this and I look forward to following this new path HE has laid before us.

Because YOU are worth it. Becuase YOU heal all wounds and YOU are amazing God.

A terrible web cam picture of my wet hair, katelyn's chocolate face and chris's red crusty "cold" nose. But we ARE happy.

Praise God.

To fill in the gap

Its been FOREVER since I've posted but this should be about what you should expect from me at this point. I love to journal and all that jazz but I just am not too good at the computer journaling...pen an dpaper is my preferred method of journaling. But, instead of trying to write the novel of all that has happened in the last few months, I stole this from my friend Susie on her blog. It just seemed fun!

enjoying: a toffee mocha from Starbucks

watching: Katelyn coloring in her new coloring book

eating: nothing

feeling: at peace

looking forward to: our future

wearing: tank top, jeans, and glasses

needing: my water running so i can take a shower, do the dishes, and go potty

wanting: to have enough money to do the things I want to do for all those that I love

missing: running water

Laughing: at Chris's frustration over a game of SOLITAIRE

working on: editing photos, folding the MOUNDS of laundry I have and planning the first Thanksgiving at my house

cooking: nothing. you need water for just about everything and I have none.

craving: the gym. weird i know....but the gym

grateful: for my Heavenly Father and His enduring faithfulness even when I doubt.

smiling: at my life. the pieces are starting to fall into place and I can't wait for what's next.

Well, I'm off to go find a bathroom. Ha! Don't eve take your toilets for grantid....cause we don't have the use of ours right now and its a chore just to go potty.

Have a great Wednesday and HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIAN!!! Hope your day is fabulous and I can't wait to see you hopefully next week!!

Picture update!

Well, I haven't uploaded any pictures in like FOREVER! So, i think i will now. Bare with me...

Here is my girl on her last day of preschool and at her graduation. I cried. I'm not ashamed to admit it. She is getting so grown up....I just can't believe she starts kindergarten in like 6 weeks.

Next up we have K's first visit to a beach! She had a BLAST!! I didn't get a whole lot of pictures of her doing this, but her favorite thing to do was search for sea shells. And boy did she find them!

The first moment she stepped into the water....I love her expression. :o) What a cutie!

Toes in the sand!!

I love this picture of K and I....its bright but I just love it! :o)

Here are so random shots of us. K got her face painted at Fry's of all places. She was an exotic Cat. Shocked....I think not! She did NOT want to wash this off that night.

THese last ones were taken by the princess herself! She grabbed the camera and went crazy one day. I loved the results!

Well, that's all I got right now...I'm headed to do some pilates!

Fast times at the "S" household

WOW! I am great at this bloggin bit! I can't sleep so I guess updating this blog is as good as anything to do!

I guess you could say that me sharing my random thoughts and ideas and feelings to the masses on the internet (of which 3 of you actually read and care!) has been kinda low on my priority list these days.

What HAS been on my list of things to do???

Here goes...

-School ending for both K and I. 3.0 isn't bad my first semester back after 10 years!
-Week long trip to Houston to visist the FIL and SMIL. Great trip! K saw the beach for the very first time! (Pix to soon follow)
-K and I did VBS one week which started me thinking about a possible change of major and career.
-Which, I did end up doing!
-I have been accepted to and plan on attending UTA in the spring and will graduate with a degree in Interdisciplinary studies going on to teach 4-8th graders! Crazy but true. I will be a teacher! God is good and quite funny at times!
-We had our carpets cleaned and in the process decided to switch K's room, paint all the walls in the house, rearrange our ENTIRE house and weed out junk in the process. It's been almost 2 weeks since we started this project and I'm pretty sure we have quite a ways to go til we are done. But, its been an awesome process and quite freeing. Our room is the best its ever been, K has a room that she LOVEs with a bunk bed and PINK everywhere! We are finally embracing this thing called decorating....and I'm a happy camper!
-Sweet friend J's bachelorette party a couple of weekends ago. (Again-pix to follow) Sooo much fun!
-FIL and SMIL came for a week long visit that ended monday morning. We had a blast and K got to spend the night in their motorhome. She had a BLAST and I got to spend the night hangin with C at work all night. SUPER tired the next day but it was sooo worth it. I love getting to see him on the job and hang out with his buddies.
-This week I am busy preparing for Long time BFF's long awaited bridal shower here at my house. She has waited 13 years for this guy to propose and he FINALLY did. So, she deserves this showering!

That's what I have been up to....and it doesn't stop there.

I tell you what...being Matron of honor in 2 weddings and a bridesmaid in a third has been a ride. Back to back to back weddings is CRAZY!! One is time consuming enough...I'm in 3. BFFx2 and my sister. All equally important. I will say this...I have gotten to buy some pretty awesome dresses for all the showers and festivities! Oh and heels to match! I'm beyond excited about that for sure!

I think I am going to attempt this sleep thing again....its 5 am and K will be up soon. Wish me luck!
What's been happenin in your world these days?!!